When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
