I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
