there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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