I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
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Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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