Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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