I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize