If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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