You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
