what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
