I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
