His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
