Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
