How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it's great music for shaving your balls
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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