i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
