Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize