Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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