I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
