in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
