You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
