I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
