i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
