Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
should my penis look like a turkey
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
