i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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