i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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