She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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