I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
