You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
