dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
