Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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