My hand turned me down
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
