so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
