i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
