i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
