so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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