I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
