You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
