he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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