she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
3 2 1 whiskey
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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