Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
