just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
