this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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