I wannas sexs uuuuu
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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