C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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