he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
