Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
