He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
