So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
