it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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