You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
