so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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