Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
