dude i'm inner monologue high
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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