im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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