the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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