Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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