he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize