dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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