i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
