Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
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Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize