I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
