Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As shirtless as possible
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
