hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
