maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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