There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
