I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
