he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
