Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
