I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
