I'm drive I can fine osifer
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
