Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Found the puke drawer
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
