We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
