even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
