That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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