I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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