Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
