I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
